


something far too good to feel

by deaddie



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Asthma Attacks that are actually Panic Attacks, First Kiss, Fluff, Hotel Rooms, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Title from a the Japanese House Song, waterparks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21990724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deaddie/pseuds/deaddie
Summary: "In theory, Eddie could have given him a laugh when Richie suggested that he join the annual Tozier trip. A pitying pat on the shoulder. A “Yeah, sure, I can definitely convince my mom that I won’t die on a trip with you. To a waterpark! Of all places!”To his own surprise, Eddie did none of those things."oreddie goes to a waterpark and spends half the time fighting hypochondriac thoughts and the other half figuring himself out, all through the help of richie.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 10
Kudos: 162





	something far too good to feel

**Author's Note:**

> please be kind!! I've never written anything that I felt was worth putting anywhere. this is extremely self-indulgent. 
> 
> I don't really know what the time period is. but of course eddie wears a fanny pack. make of that what you will. also, the boys are about 13 here.

The air is humid, hot and heavy, creating a thick blanket that settles over Eddie as soon as he enters the indoor water park. Richie is by his side as a pack of young giggling girls, probably around their own age, shove by them with linked arms and bony elbows. Eddie frowns. Each of them shriek as a bucket filled with water, at the top of something called Dragon’s Castle, comes splashing down. He hopes they notice him glaring. 

At a quick glance, the building is so much bigger than he imagined. And he read all about water parks the past few weeks, ever since the idea was even brought up to him by an overexcited Richie. He had circled Eddie like a golden retriever, begging for his attention as they walked home from the Aladdin with ice cream melting through their fingers. 

It was only the day after school let out, releasing them into the summer. And he didn’t really think that they would be going to the movies on their own already, as the rest of the group formed a plan to get together the following day, but he kind of did think that because Richie was always full of predictable surprises. (And that didn’t make sense whenever Eddie tried to voice that out loud to the rest of the losers. “That’s a contradiction, isn’t it?” Ben had to say once. Eddie gave up trying after that.) 

In theory, Eddie could have given him a laugh when Richie suggested that he join the annual Tozier trip. A pitying pat on the shoulder. A “Yeah, sure, I can definitely convince my mom that I won’t die on a trip with you. To a waterpark! Of all places!” 

To his own surprise, Eddie did none of those things. Richie looked so excited when he brought it up and Eddie didn’t have the heart to let him down. If he was being honest with himself, he kind of wanted to go just for the experience. To say that he went and lived. Shouldn’t he have some experiences like that? Ones that he could look back on and be proud that he wasn’t too chicken to try? 

But he never thought much about the size of the park. It never even occurred to him as he packed or as they pulled up to the hotel. He was much more worried about the smaller things that made him shivery, even when he knew it was kind of bullshit. 

There were the things that caused recreational water illness, for instance. His mother told him about that once maybe two years ago when he said he wanted to go swimming in the community pool with the other kids. Not that it mattered much. 

He preferred being with the losers in the quarry. A place he would never go to without his friends, who gladly pushed away the slimy thoughts of parasites that could be exiting the water and crawling their way into his brain. Bill liked to help him search for the turtles. Mike always offered putting him up on his shoulders. Richie made jokes. He never told his mom in fear of what she’d say. 

Naturally, he took it upon himself to read all about how you should shower before entering the pools or going down the slides of the water park, to spread less germs and dead skin (although, it would still be a disgusting cesspool), and about how most of the time people ignored this suggestion. That didn’t stop him from waking Richie up early this morning in the hotel, saying that if he didn’t scrub himself clean that he would leave and walk home himself. It was an empty threat and they both knew it. But Richie obeyed like a good friend. It was the least he could do. 

Now, inside the park, Eddie scrambles for his inhaler in his fanny pack as his lungs try and fail to adjust to the sudden change in temperature. Richie looks at him knowingly. 

“Ain’t it wonderful Eds?” 

He pinches his arm. Eddie pointedly ignores him, too distracted by the looks of a water slide all the way on the other side of the building. It’s a menacing red and green; an almost straight drop from the top all the way to the bottom. He wonders how the person descending, without a tube to secure their body, doesn’t fly right off the thing. 

Following Richie’s lead, they walk toward a table to sit. Mr. and Mrs. Tozier place their things near the intermediate slides at the center of the park. Richie claims those ones are for babies and that they’re far too old to even entertain the idea of trying them, but as Eddie looks at the height and the way they swirl before releasing into the small pool, he isn’t sure he agrees. It makes his stomach sink. 

Going on the weekend annual trip with the Toziers seemed great since Richie never stopped talking about how fun it was each year. He didn’t shut up about it for weeks, before and after, rambling about the super slides, the steaming hot tubs, and the arcade taken over by older teenage boys. 

Eddie always ignored the way he could feel a knot in his throat when Richie talked about playing games with the other boys in the arcade. Those boys were strange and older than him. They surely didn’t know how to deal with Richie when he wanted to play again and again and again. And they were probably a whole lot better at playing than Eddie, who was only good at a select few and had to pull wipes out before he even thought about touching any of the buttons.

It took a lot of convincing, but Eddie knew exactly what to do to convince his mother that he should go. He begged the Toziers not to say anything about the water park to her. Richie helped out too, even coming close to tearing up at the thought of Eddie having to stay home just because she was too overprotective. Maggie and Wentworth were happy to take him along, but they were understandably worried about having to lie a bit to make it happen.

( “Oh there’s a pool at the hotel, Sonia. So Eddie  
should pack a bathing suit just to be safe.”

and 

“Yes, he will be supervised the entire time.”

with an additional

“No, we don’t plan on making any hospital trips if we can  
help it. It’s meant to be a relaxing trip with some fun for  
the kids.” ) 

What Sonia didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. Eddie prayed that he wouldn’t wind up explaining his medical history to unfamiliar doctors because of a concussion or a broken arm or an illness of some sort, because it wouldn’t just be him in trouble with his mother. Richie’s parents would never hear the end of it for as long as they lived. And he wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with Richie for a long, long time. Maybe ever again. 

Eddie’s train of thought abruptly flies off the rails as Richie catches his attention by whipping his shirt off and dropping it on the floor, jittering with anticipation. His glasses get skewed, halfway off his face, and he haphazardly shoves them back on. Maggie fondly rolls her eyes, picking up his shirt before it’s forgotten and stepped on. Eddie smiles and takes off his own. It gets folded and placed in Maggie’s vacation bag. The fanny pack follows. 

As he goes to fix his hair, slightly ruffled from the action, he notices that Richie is grinning at him all toothy and infuriating. Before Eddie even gets the chance to tell him to stop looking at him like that, he pulls him into a headlock and messes his hair up even more. 

“Quit it!” Eddie slaps at Richie’s side and his back, whatever he can reach.

From this angle, all he can see are Richie’s blue swim trunks. They’re covered in tiny sharks, which is a sharp contrast to his own red, meant to stand out in a crowd. His face is pressed flat against Richie’s ribs and Eddie can feel the sweat building up on his body already. It’s warm and sticky. 

“Let go of me! I swear I’ll-“

“Boys!” Maggie calls. Richie lets go, reluctantly, and Eddie silently thanks her. 

When he looks up, Richie’s face seems more flushed than before. Eddie gives him a tiny shove for good measure, only to let him know he can’t be picked on without getting anything back in return. Richie rarely knows when to quit, but it worked out for this, he thinks. Richie was the one who got him here.

“C’mon Eddie,” Richie grabs his wrist frantically, tugging him forward. Eddie can’t see his face, but he knows that something must’ve caught his eye, so he lets himself get dragged through the sea of families. 

“Be careful! Stay together!” He can hear Maggie shout after them, but they’re too far gone to reply. Eddie doubts he’ll leave Richie’s side for anything. He has no reason to. 

They arrive at a water slide, one with a line full of people, which doesn’t surprise him in the slightest. Eddie glances up, trying to make sense of what he’s looking at. Richie is still gripping his wrist, so he yanks himself free. He can still feel the phantom of it even after he rubs it away with his hand. 

“It’s a double tube?” Eddie says wearily, watching as two kids fly out of the tunnel, flopping into the water with little grace. They topple over one another, scrabbling to move on to the next attraction. The line moves forward. Two steps. Eddie finds himself moving with it. 

“Yeah man. I have to go with you cause you’ll get scared the first time,” Richie says nonchalantly, like it’s a basic fact. “That’s not true!” 

Richie grins, raising an eyebrow, peeking out from the thick frames of his glasses. 

“Wait!” Eddie lifts his arm, toward the taller boy’s face. He slaps it on instinct. “Your glasses!”

“Oh, these old things?” Richie puts on a voice, and Eddie struggles to understand what exactly he’s trying to go for. He thinks it’s what Richie calls his Southern Belle. It’s not very good. 

“Yeah! You’re gonna flip us over and lose them, or even worse, step on them! And then you won’t be a four-eyed freak anymore, but your dad won’t ever let you hear the end of it because it’ll ruin the trip for every one of us-“

“Eds! Calm down will ya?”

“A-And you’ll be so blind! Like a bat! And I’ll be the one stuck dragging you around the place. We’d have to link our arms, you know? Like those annoying girls from earlier who shoved right past us when they could’ve said excuse me like decent human beings, Richie- ”

Richie grabs hold of Eddie’s shoulders and leans down, looking him dead in the eye. Eddie shuts his mouth and gulps, feeling like putty. He kind of wants to throw up. How many kids have peed in the water that he’s about to splash around in because they were scared?

“You’re just nervous,” Richie whispers. Eddie tries not to think about the people behind him. There’s no way they aren’t listening. 

“It’ll be fine,” He finally lets go of his shoulders, but makes sure to playfully slap Eddie’s cheek with a threatening smile. “And those girls were fucking hot! I think one of them even winked at me.”

The line takes another step forward. Richie plucks his glasses off as Eddie bites his lip. 

“Will it make you feel better to hold them?” He asks, squinting awfully. “You have an iron grip. That much I know, Mr. Spaghetti, my good man.” 

Eddie considers it, as Richie holds them out for him to take. He looks back up at the stairs. They have an awful lot more to go. There’s no way he will make it all the way up without tripping at least once. He smiles and snatches them before Richie can change his mind. 

As they reach the top, Eddie announces that he stumbled a total of four times, much to his devilish delight. Richie doesn’t mind much, firing back quickly. “Did you know my best friend is practically a doctor? Could fix a busted nose with his eyes closed. I’d trust him with my life! Now, if you excuse me, I think I lost him somewhere back in the crowd...” 

As they position themselves in the bright yellow tube, Richie explains that he needs to be in the back to accommodate his long legs. Eddie doesn’t really like it, because that means he doesn’t have a shield to block his face from getting wet. And he’s the first to face each curve and turn into the unknown. 

The teenager manning the slide looks bored. Eddie notices as his gaze flickers down to the glasses clutched in his fist. It occurs to Eddie that maybe it isn’t so safe to be holding them, but there’s no way he’s taking a walk of shame back down the stairs. Facing all those people. Having them think things that aren’t true. Luckily, he doesn’t say a word to either of them. So they sit, letting the water flow around them. It shouldn’t be too bad.

It makes Eddie feel silly, having to remind himself that Richie has done this dozens of times. Hundreds of times. And he would never put Eddie in a situation that was actually dangerous if he could help it. 

He’s too old to be afraid of a waterslide. He knows that it’s not actually the slide that he’s afraid of, even if the blue glow haunts him. The artificial lights of the park aren’t visible, meaning that the air is funneled all the way down. The stuffy chlorine has the overwhelming potential to send him into an asthma attack. Eddie puffs out his chest. If this is his last breath of fresh air, he’s going to make it count. 

As the little glowing light switches from red to green, signaling they can go, Richie does all the work of pushing them forward. Eddie’s knuckles are white, gripping the handles of the tube. It tips forward and suddenly, they’re going. Eddie can feel Richie’s arms snake forward around him. A protective hand spreads across his chest. 

Eddie lets out squeak that he’d be embarrassed about if they weren’t zooming toward the part of the slide he’d been unable to see from the starting point. Adrenaline pumps through his veins as they ride up the wall. Richie lets out a whoop, pulling Eddie back even tighter. 

With each passing second, Eddie understands more and more why this is so enjoyable. There are moments where the tube slows down, weighed down by the two boys, preparing for the next twist or turn or dip. Eddie finds himself leaning forward to make it go faster, far enough away from Richie to make his grip loosen. He’s barely thinking at all anymore, enjoying the echoey sound that the water makes with each rush. 

“Lots of fun, right?” Richie asks with an edge to his voice. Almost like he’s afraid to know the answer. 

Before Eddie can reply, or turn his head to reassure Richie that he is, in fact, having the time of his life with the smile plastered on his face, they’re released into the pool. The tube doesn’t flip, but Eddie slides right off. He crawls his way up to the surface, finding that the water isn’t too deep. It only comes up to his waist, gradually becoming more shallow at the steps. 

Richie’s eyes are wide and he’s stumbling forward, shaking his head, causing water droplets to fly everywhere. Eddie realizes he’s still holding his glasses as they make their way toward the exit. He thrusts them out for Richie to take. 

“That was…” 

“The best thing you’ve ever experienced in your life? I wish I could say the same. I really do.”

There’s a pause. Eddie holds his breath, waiting.

“The night I spent with your mom last Saturday has got it beat, Eds.” 

“I let it slide earlier but I need you to stop calling me that. And don’t bring up my mother right now. Seriously.”

He tries not to feel bitter about about how much he’s missed out on because of her. He feels relieved, mostly. He didn’t die. He went on something Sonia would call a deathtrap all the way to her own grave. And he lived. He did more than live. He felt alive all the way down to his poor, fragile bones. He suspects maybe he’s stronger than all that. 

“I think I can do anything now, Rich.”

Richie looks at him, glasses rightfully back where they belong. Unless Eddie is hallucinating from swallowing too much water, he would say Richie looks proud...and there’s something else, too. Like he just shared his only pack of Nerds with him. Or made a joke that was more his style than Eddie’s own. He wants to bask in it because he’s never gotten that look from anyone else but Richie. And it makes him feel kind of good, like he earned it. 

But then the look is gone, almost as quick as it appeared, as a shiver makes its way through Richie’s body. The water from his swimsuit drips onto the pavement and goosebumps begin rise on Eddie’s own skin. 

He considers saying that they should go back to see Richie’s parents; they’d check in with them for only a minute or two. Eddie could tell them how grateful he was for the hundredth time that they brought him along. He could get all wrapped up in a warm towel while standing there, next to Richie, as they debated on the next slide to go on.

He doesn’t say anything, ultimately, because Richie’s gaze is everywhere and nowhere, jumping from one attraction to the next. The temperature of the building was made for kids to feel comfortable hopping around and waiting in line, drenched in the pool water, so Eddie supposes it won’t kill him to wait to get a towel. They just need to get moving. 

“Let’s do that one!” 

Richie is pointing at the red and green slide. The one that Eddie noticed as soon as they walked into the park. It still seems to defy gravity. 

“Do you have a death wish?” 

“Didn’t you just say you could do anything?” Richie laughs, loud and sudden. Eddie scowls. 

“Yeah and I meant it,” he spits out, folding his arms in the process. “But what? Are you not afraid of dying?” 

“No,” Richie replies. It’s blunt, without any consideration whatsoever.

Eddie pauses, reeling his mind in like a fishing pole, staring curiously. He waits for Richie to explain further, but he doesn’t. 

“In general, I mean,” Eddie says, figuring that Richie’s brain is solely focused on the waterslide he wants to go on.

“I know what you meant. The answer is still no.” He shrugs and scratches the back of his neck. “Of not existing, maybe? I’m afraid of that, I guess.”

“What the fuck? Isn’t that the same thing?” 

Richie squints. Eddie can see fingerprint smudges all over the lenses of his glasses and he desperately wants to pull them off and put a wipe to them. Eddie can also see the moment a voice pops into Richie’s brain. The spark of an idea is a lightbulb and it shines right out of his ears. His eyes shine even brighter.

“Ladies and gents, here we are standing right at the scene of this spectacular water park! Filled with loads of fun! And I’m with this fella here who thinks it’s cool to talk about our greatest fears—” he pauses his announcement to pinch Eddie’s arm “—when we should be flinging our bodies down some nasty slides until we turn green!”

Richie pretends to face an audience, which doesn’t take much pretending because the park is so crowded. 

“But if anyone happens to be wondering, I’m not too fond of clowns. Among a few other things.” He winks at someone giving him a particularly nasty look. Eddie notices him crumble into himself a bit after when the person scoffs and walks away. Whatever shame Richie feels at not succeeding in a laugh, Eddie doesn’t care to let it linger. 

“Whatever. Let’s get on with it.” 

They fool around for about two hours before Richie’s stomach grumbles, neglected for the promise of another quick trip on a tube. Each slide they go on builds Eddie’s confidence higher and higher until it feels like he can reach the sun if he stands tall enough. He feels golden and untouchable, balancing on his tippy-toes. But the voice, the one whispering that he needs a shower, doesn’t fully go away. Eddie imagines those thoughts take the form of a slimy germ that sits on his shoulder. Without thinking, he places his palm there, like covering it will make any difference. It kind of does, if he believes hard enough. 

“I think it’s time we feast on some spaghetti!” Richie yells, barreling toward him. 

Eddie lets go of the rope he’d been clutching at and giggles as Richie picks him up. They already rode all the partner ones, so the singles required a brief waiting period. They developed their own system, as they had time to work things out standing in each line. (After Eddie makes his way down the slide, he waits for Richie at a visible spot, planning ahead for their next attack.)

“Put me down!” He smacks at Richie’s back, but he’s far too happy to really care enough to put up a real fight. 

Once he’s placed back on solid ground, he looks up and everything feels so light. He doesn’t know what it all means. Just that Richie is grinning at him with his tongue poking out from between his teeth and his hair is a mess and he can’t believe he’s having such a good time with his best friend at a place he was destined to hate and never experience. 

“What? Is there something on my face?” Richie pouts his lips and frames his jaw with his hands. 

“Yeah,” Eddie’s voice trembles with a hint of laughter, “I’m not sure what but it’s pretty ugly!” 

“I heard the word pretty and missed anything and everything you might’ve said after.” 

Richie reaches out for his glasses, which he must’ve decided Eddie takes better care of, because he sends Eddie down the slide each time with them. Eddie pushes his grabby hands out of the way and steps forward, putting them on Richie’s face himself. Richie’s eyes flutter closed. He allows himself to be gentle with it, brushing the hair behind his ears, because he’s not totally evil, and makes sure he doesn’t shove them on too quickly. 

The crackle on the loudspeaker startles them both, making an announcement of a missing child, but it’s hard to make out who they’re looking for through the static. They jump backwards and Eddie comes to the realization that they aren’t in their own personal bubble. But why does it matter?

He knows why it matters. Deep down he does. Boys don’t intimately put glasses on other boy’s faces. Something burns in Eddie’s stomach. There’s a realization waiting to be picked at like a scab. Eddie doesn’t dare touch it. To make matters worse, there’s a really bad taste in his mouth. 

When he looks back at Richie, he expects some sort of joke to brush off the moment. To ease the tension threatening to snap and sting them both. That doesn’t happen. Richie’s ears are very visibly red and he’s staring intently at the ground like he wants it to open up and swallow him whole.

“Uh, Rich?” Eddie gulps. “You were hungry, right? We should get lunch. It’s about that time anyway.” He really hopes his voice didn’t shake.

In an instant, Richie becomes himself again, suggesting that they find his parents and beg like a couple of starving orphans. It’s almost alarming how fast his exterior changes when the situation calls for it.

Eddie can’t help but wonder how to press rewind and go back in time. He should’ve pushed Richie. That’s it. He should’ve faked him out as he reached up to set the frames on his nose and shoved him hard enough for him to fall on his ass. That would’ve been normal for them. And Richie would’ve been shocked but he would’ve laughed and pulled Eddie right down with him. Roughhousing was in their nature. It always has been. Being soft and gentle, however, without it being disguised as a joke, was not. 

They eat their pizza in the park, seated across from Mr. and Mrs. Tozier. Eddie is quiet, because he doesn’t need to say much when Richie fills the silence. Even with a mouth full of cheese, he takes charge of the table, drawing curious looks from strangers. There are a few times where he gets told to settle down, but he doesn’t outright get told to stop any of his impressions. That would be futile. 

Eddie allows his mind to drift. Richie may be hopeless, but he’s not totally hopeless. He’s fully capable of putting his own damn glasses back on his stupid face with all the practice he’s had every day. It was stupid. Eddie just thought he could be more helpful. That’s all. That’s the end of it. He owed Richie that after purposely allowing him to trip up the stairs on the first slide. And yeah, he probably owed him so much more than that because he’s a huge reason why Eddie even dares to try the things his mother wouldn’t approve of. 

_Don’t lie, Eddie. You didn’t want to help him more than you wanted to help yourself by being closer to him than any girl-_

“Eds!” Richie waves his hand in front of his face. Eddie blinks. 

“Huh?” 

“I was asking if you wanted to go back to the room to shower and stuff? Then hit the arcade?”

Eddie nods, feeling kind of lost. Whatever Richie wants, that’s what they’ll do. It’s all he can offer as an apology of sorts without voicing anything out loud. 

“Normally, I’d head right down in my sopping short shorts like any other kid. I didn’t think you’d let me step foot in there without rubbing some soap on myself first.”

Eddie feels pale. He wants to scrub the last few hours off of him until his whole body is pink and the top layer of his skin is cleansed of the chlorine and bacteria and whatever it is that got on him whenever Richie touched him today. 

It hurts because he had fun. It was arguably one of the best days of his life and it hasn’t even ended yet. But it sort of feels ruined. Because he’s had too many thoughts all at once and it’s making him feel fuzzy. He’s been down and up and back down again. And it’s even worse that Richie knows him like a punch to the gut. He’s willing to push going to the arcade back so Eddie can fuss about how important it is to wash bacteria away before jumping into another place infested with god knows what. 

Eddie likes that about Richie, who is always pushing him out of his comfort zone, all while making sure it’s something he can handle. Eddie likes too much about Richie. He wants to push that away with a ten foot pole for the time being. 

“Yeah. Yeah let’s do that,” Eddie says, clenching his jaw as he digs his shirt and fanny pack out of Maggie’s bag. If Richie notices anything out of the ordinary, he has the right idea to not say anything. It would make things more awkward than they had to be. 

They all make their way back to the hotel room and Eddie tries his best to stay calm and collected as he waits to use the bathroom. Richie’s parents get first dibs, since they want to get out of the room to go do adult things like play golf and make reservations for a fancy candlelit dinner or whatever. Before they leave, they throw some money at Richie and tell him not to spend it all. Eddie thinks that's rather cruel, but has the decency to keep it to himself. 

Once the parents are gone, they have the hotel room. Richie spreads himself out on the floor, browsing through one of his mother’s magazines out of pure boredom while Eddie takes his long awaited shower. The hot water is a relief, but the pressure is mediocre at best. He rolls his shoulders, trying to relieve the tension built up from the last hour. 

It’s a lot easier for him to collect his thoughts in the privacy of the bathroom. (The one where Richie could realistically barge in if he wanted to, since Eddie had some trouble trying to lock the door. Like, seriously, of course the thing was busted. It was just his luck. But he wasn’t about to stall taking a shower by contacting the front desk about something so pointless.)

Eddie thinks long and hard about his situation while he has the chance. He’s screwed. That’s what he whispers to the wall. And the wall doesn’t have any comforting words, or even a witty comeback. Feeling defeated, he rests his head against it, letting the water wash over him. His mind wanders on its own accord to Richie and the way he held onto Eddie whenever they shared a tube. Warmth floods his chest. He might’ve pulled away at the beginning, to prove that he could, but as the day went on he felt himself settling back. Enjoying it, even. 

That’s the ticket, right? One way onto The Tozier Train or the Richie Rollercoaster. Eddie can’t decide which sounds worse. And that’s not even something Eddie would’ve come up with. It’s like Richie’s voice is embedded in his brain. It’s ridiculous and it makes him mad enough to almost forget to shampoo his hair twice. 

Richie sings when it’s his turn in the shower. Maybe to make Eddie laugh, maybe not. He’s not the worst at it, but Eddie is on the verge of something he can’t fix with a pill. So when Richie exits, steam flowing behind him, he resorts to the only thing he knows will make him feel normal again. 

“You can’t even shut up in the shower, huh? For two seconds? While you pretend you’re washing yourself?” 

“I don’t pretend.” Richie scoffs, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. “Mrs. K likes her men squeaky clean, all sterile and shit.” 

Richie takes the edge of the towel and twists it, sticking it in his ear to get the excess water out. It makes Eddie wrinkle his nose.

“Hey, shouldn’t you be giving her a call right about now?” 

Eddie sinks lower into the couch he’s sitting on. He takes a pillow and smushes his own face with it. The cushion dips down under Richie’s weight. When he removes the pillow, he spots the discarded towel lying on the ground and rolls his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”

There are too many things for Eddie to count. 

“Do you think she’ll find out?” His voice fails him, coming out weak. 

“About the waterpark?” Richie bites his lip and scoots closer to Eddie. “Is that what’s got you so worked up right now? I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t think we could get away with it, you know.” 

It’s so honest that Eddie finds it hard to look Richie in the eye. It’s not only the waterpark that he’s giving himself an aneurysm over. Actually, he thinks the waterpark is sort of out of it. He’s moved on, having survived so far. If anything is going to kill him, it’s Richie—who is currently looking really concerned. Eddie is beginning to tremble, the more he realizes he might be exactly what his mother fears, all rolled up into one. 

“Richie, I-” Eddie doesn’t know how to finish, breaths becoming short. They’re far too quick and he thinks his lungs are seizing up. 

Fortunately, Eddie doesn’t have to say much else because Richie is already scrambling off the couch. He locates Eddie’s fanny pack easily, grabbing the inhaler with quick and steady hands. 

Eddie thinks he could just about kiss him. And that thought only makes things worse. 

“Here, Eds,” Richie says, lowering himself so he’s on his knees in front of him, raising the inhaler to his mouth. Eddie takes a quick puff, covering Richie’s hand with his own to guide it. 

Normally, the relief is instant. And even though the inhaler does help, Eddie can still feel a tightness deep in his chest. He wants to crack it open and pull it out to make it stop. 

Richie lowers his arm. Eddie finds that he’s still clinging to Richie’s hand on the inhaler, so he lets go. 

“She’s going to hate me,” Eddie admits, forcing himself to gaze out the window. The sky is a perfect summer blue. There’s only a few scattered clouds, big and puffy. 

“Hate you? How could anyone hate you?” Richie stands up, blocking his view. From this angle, Eddie can see a pimple forming under his chin. “You’re too cute for that. It makes up for the way your mouth runs like a motorboat-” 

“Be serious!” Eddie can feel the tears beginning to form, and that’s too much, it’s all too much. 

“I am serious! You’re really cute!” Richie tugs at his curls. “And fuck her! You’re supposed to be having fun right now but you’re wound up as tight as a ten day clock.” 

“I did have fun…” Eddie trails off as Richie collapses next to him for the second time. He watches the rhythmatic way he bounces his leg up and down. It’s distracting enough to make the tears go away.

“Yeah, I know you did. Toward the end there, I think you got braver than I’ve ever been in my entire life.” 

The room settles down as they sit in silence. Eddie can’t help but wonder if Richie is actually talking about the slides or not.

“I’m sorry—,” Eddie says, beginning to spill his guts out because maybe it’s what he has to do to get his brain to calm down, “—for being weird earlier. The thing with the glasses embarrassed you. And it’s really hard to embarrass you. It wasn’t right or necessary, I guess.”

Richie might’ve been spot on about his mouth. It’s going a million miles per minute and he’s hardly even processing what he’s saying before it bubbles out of him. “I think I owe you a lot. You don’t even really know. It’s insane. Actually, no, you’re really insane for even being my friend. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He cringes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that.” 

Richie sits, taking it all in. He doesn’t even flinch when Eddie’s hands go rogue, emphasizing all his words.

“I didn’t realize how wrong I am.” 

“How wrong you are?” 

“My mom doesn’t know it yet, but she will. And she’ll have a heart attack before she gets the chance to send me away.” 

“To a hospital? For going to a waterpark just once? Eddie-”

“No, dipshit. Well, yeah she would send me to the hospital for that but that isn’t what I’m talking about.” 

“No? Then what are you talking about? Because I feel like-”

Eddie snaps. He takes Richie’s face between his hands and kisses him. It’s a quick peck, gone in a flash, and Eddie feels his face heat up. 

Richie’s mouth flops open like a fish. His cheeks are dusted in tiny freckles and they’re pretty and pink(he allows these thoughts, feeling no use hiding it now) and Eddie thinks that if Richie would allow it, he would shut him up like that all the time. Except he won’t allow it, because Eddie is disgusting and wrong and his mother won’t ever change her mind about that. There’s no reason for Richie to think any different. 

“Told you you were brave,” Richie manages to say. Eddie can barely make it out because of the blood rushing in his ears. 

Before Eddie can think of anything to say, Richie is kissing him. His hands grab the back of Eddie’s neck and tug him closer. Richie is kissing him and it’s the biggest surprise that he’s ever gotten. And to think, Eddie thought he really knew the kid. This wasn’t something he could’ve predicted even if he bought a crystal ball with step-by-step instructions.

When Eddie pulls away, they’re both panting a little bit. Not because the kiss was super passionate, but because neither of them know what they’re doing (despite Richie’s constant jokes about fucking Eddie’s mom) and haven’t properly learned how to breathe out of their noses. Eddie wipes his mouth.

“Uh, you didn’t think you had to do that, right?” Richie looks dazed and slightly panicky. 

“What?” 

“You said you owed me. But you didn’t have to do that.”

“Richie, I did that because I wanted to. How dumb are you?” 

Richie grins wider than he has all day. The tension is visibly released from his shoulders as he lowers them, no longer hiked up to his chin. 

“You wanted to kiss me?” 

“Now that I think about it, no. Well, I didn’t really know. I kind of just did it because of how I felt. It was impulsive? It only crossed my mind, like, once.”

“Yeah? So you felt that you wanted to kiss me?”

Eddie covers his face with his hands and groans. He’s never going to live this down. Why did he have to go and like Richie Tozier of all people?

“I think your stupidity knocked me out of my gay panic. You frustrated me so bad. Couldn’t you have read my mind?” Eddie raises his head and pointedly looks at the ceiling, finding that it’s easier to say things when it’s like he’s talking to an inanimate object. He can’t believe he said the word gay out loud, let alone relating it to himself. He’s taking giant strides today. “I practically had to spell it out for you.”

Richie reaches forward, wrapping his fingers around Eddie’s wrist. They’re sweaty. It’s funny how everything feels like it makes more sense now, as he looks down at their point of contact. 

He doesn’t feel so wrong anymore and it contradicts almost all the thoughts he had a few moments ago. If this was so wrong, maybe Eddie should’ve been struck dead on the spot by some lightning as soon as their lips touched. Instead, Eddie is just left wanting more. It’s nice.

As enlightening as that all is, he still has questions that need to be answered for his own well-being. He doesn’t want to fall into another spiral today.

“You said those girls were hot earlier.” 

Richie snorts. “I say a lot of things that aren’t true.” Eddie raises an eyebrow.

“I don’t think girls do anything for me,” Richie says, shrugging like it’s no big deal except it is a really big fucking deal. Eddie isn’t alone, it seems.

“All this time? You’re gay?” His voice raises an octave at the question. He kind of wants to shout and rip his own hair out at the absurdity. 

“Not any more than you are.” Richie retorts. “You kissed me!”

“You kissed me back!” Eddie shoves him hard enough so he lands against the other side of the couch. “And for longer.”

Eddie doesn’t think they’re actually fighting, because there’s a hint of a smile curling at the edges of both of their lips. 

“Wanna do it again?” Richie smirks. 

“What about the arcade?” Eddie asks, hoping they’re on the same page. 

“Fuck that! A video game isn’t half as good as you, Kaspbrak. Your lips are like...supple? No, wait, I don’t think that’s the right word-”

“Yours are crusty and chapped. You can kiss me again, though.” 

He does. It’s something far too good to feel, as far as Eddie is concerned. When he pulls away, Richie looks soft. With his freckles dusting his cheeks and curls stuck to his forehead, light filtering in from the window. It’s unfortunate that that’s the best way Eddie can describe it, but that’s all he can come up with in the moment. And it’s funny, because that’s not how Richie normally is.

Richie is dirt-covered pant legs and TV static, turned up to the highest notch. He’s the fly that you swat away as you sit in your room in the dead of the summer, which should’ve been off-limits but somehow the sucker got let in through the backdoor when you weren’t looking. He’s everything Eddie tries desperately to insult, to have the last word, to punch twice as hard without feeling guilty about it. But in this moment, after kissing Eddie, Richie is soft. And he can’t find himself to feel any guilt here, either. 

“You have a funny look on your face.” Old habits die hard.

“Yeah Eds? Actually, I think I have your face on my face.” Back to dirt. 

“Maybe if you shut up we can keep it that way.”

“Aye-aye sir!”

They don’t make it to the arcade that night. But they do the next day. And when Richie’s parents get back to the hotel after their dinner, they’re stunned by how red Richie’s face is. They’re almost convinced he’s having an allergic reaction. The only thing that stops them from taking him to the hospital is Eddie, who assures them that Richie is perfectly fine and they just got a little worked up over a heated argument, that Eddie won, if they were wondering. It also explains why Richie’s glasses are thrown halfway across the room.

It isn’t too far from the truth. They did argue a bit more between clumsy kisses. The glasses received the worst of it in the end. All that care Eddie put into holding them on the waterslides, for nothing! 

Not nothing, Eddie decides, as his lips tingle when he thinks about it. They pressed hard against Eddie’s cheek. If Eddie gets sick from anything, it’s probably going to be from Richie’s disgusting saliva. 

He’s never felt so brave.


End file.
